


we'll make heaven a place on earth

by bapaldeul



Series: we shared a moment that will last till the end [4]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Black Mirror!AU, Character Death, Episode: s03e04 San Junipero, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, San Junipero!AU, Science Fiction, because i can't write summaries, i know the mcd tag looks bad but i promise it is not what you think it is, read beginning notes to decide if you want to proceed or not!, stimulated reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 20:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13772307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bapaldeul/pseuds/bapaldeul
Summary: "they say in heaven love comes first, we'll make heaven a place on earth."jihoon gets a second chance at love and happinessa black mirror/san junipero au





	we'll make heaven a place on earth

**Author's Note:**

> let me start this off by saying this entire work was inspired by the black mirror episode "San Junipero". It's my absolute favourite episode in the entire series just because of the meaning behind it. My work could never be as beautiful as the original episode itself, but i'm trying to at least do a good tribute to it.
> 
> If you have watched Black mirror/San Junipero, feel free to skip the rest of the beginning notes as i will do a brief introduction about what San Junipero is.
> 
> San Junipero is a stimulated reality created for the elderly to visit 5 hours a week to relieve their youth in their teenager body again. They also have the chance to live permanently in SJ when they are deceased - a chance at an immortal life, if you will.
> 
> Jihoon, in this story is a 66-year-old man whose husband (Woojin) has passed a year ago and has not requested for his soul to be "uploaded" into San Junipero. Jihoon signs up for a trail; and his first visit is one that he meets Kang Daniel, who makes him feel like a 19-year-old in love again.
> 
> The rest is for you to read and experience!
> 
> Thank you so much for giving this story a chance. It's my first time writing such a genre but i just couldn't resist telling such a beautiful story. Please give all your love to the creators/writers of Black Mirror and San Junipero.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

_Year 2065: 9:05pm_

Jihoon shivers as the metallic doors slide open silently, revealing an empty room clad in white, with nothing but a lonely cushioned chair in the middle of the room. Slowly, he tugs the sleeve of his sweater downwards; both from the cold and nervousness that’s building up in his chest.

He’s never liked the cold, even when he was younger. Even more so now, when he can feel the cold right down to his bones. 

Jinyoung’s hand in his is the only providence of warmth in the room. Jihoon glances at his friend, and he knows that Jinyoung sees the uncertainty and anxiety gathering in his eyes. He sees Jinyoung opening his mouth to say something, but is cut off by the doctor.

“Mr Park, do make yourself comfortable and we’ll begin the procedure shortly,” the doctor says, and Jinyoung slowly leads Jihoon into the room. Jihoon doesn’t bother trying to squint at the doctor’s nametag – he knows his eyesight is too fucked to even put a clear face to the doctor.

“Here, hyung,” Jinyoung says as he supports Jihoon’s back with his free hand as Jihoon lays down on the chair. 

_It’s cold, everything is so cold._

Still, Jihoon manages to crack a smile and teases his friend, “Brat, why are you treating me like I can’t walk anymore?”

Jinyoung manages a shy smile and takes a seat beside Jihoon. He doesn’t let go of Jihoon’s hand, and teases Jihoon by saying, “That’s because you’re an old man now, hyung.”

Jihoon would have turned over to flick Jinyoung on his forehead if he wasn’t already feeling so exhausted. It’s not the old age, Jihoon swears. It’s the sheer anticipation of his first time going through this experience that has completely drained him of his energy.

The room is so quiet, Jihoon is afraid that Jinyoung will be able to hear his heartbeat.

“Hyung, you’ll be okay. Don’t worry about anything,” Jinyoung breaks the deafening silence by saying. He then pauses to hesitate, then adds, “If you don’t want to do this-“

“I’m fine, Jinyoung,” Jihoon says through his clenched teeth. He sees Jinyoung flinch at Jihoon’s obvious annoyance and tries to smile in front of his friend. “I know what I’m getting myself into. I want to do this.”

“Okay, hyung,” Jinyoung nods his head slowly. 

The doctor reappears in the room, this time with a small box in his hands. Jihoon feels his body stiffen instantly and his chest tighten up.

“Since this is your first time, we won’t put you through the recommended visiting duration of five hours. Instead, I’ll be giving you three hours,” the doctor pauses to check if Jihoon is following. 

“Look around, familiarise yourself with the environment and just… enjoy yourself.”

 _Right_ , Jihoon remembers. This is supposed to help him feel happier, feel more alive. He shouldn’t be scared of something as beautiful as this.

“I understand,” Jihoon says as an indication for the doctor to proceed.

The doctor nods, then unlocks his box with a light click. He then reveals a device similar to a white button. Jihoon has only seen such devices being used on other people, he’d never thought of trying it out one day.

“Don’t worry, this won’t hurt at all,” the doctor assures the two, although Jihoon thinks the doctor is talking more to Jinyoung than to him. 

The doctor walks over to stand beside Jihoon. Although Jihoon has shit eyesight, he sees the doctor smile, and he knows it’s a sincere one. He then allows his body to relax and feels a slight pressure on the right side of his forehead – a sign that the device is on.

“If you’re ready, we will commence,” the doctor says.

Jihoon closes his eyes and nods slowly. 

“Hyung,” he hears Jinyoung call out to him, but Jinyoung sounds very, very far away. “Please be happy.”

Jihoon feels himself slipping into darkness, like he’s falling asleep but he’s aware of it. At first, there’s a strange tingly feeling in the pit of his stomach. Then, he’s plunged into the darkness – he tries opening his eyes, but he can’t. 

And he feels so, so, cold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 9:30pm_

_Warmth._

Jihoon’s brain registers warmth on his body. It feels so nice to have hot air blowing on him for once. Suddenly, he regains his sense of touch and like anyone that has just woken up from a good nap – he stretches.

 _God damn_ , it feels so good to be able to stretch without feeling the aching pain at the back of his spine. Yet another thing Jihoon has learnt to never take for granted. 

It’s way too bright for Jihoon to open his eyes at once. Slowly, he rubs his eyes and allows himself to take a good look around.

He’s no longer in the chair in the white room. Instead, he’s standing outside an old shop selling cold noodles. He first notices an elderly lady cooking at the back of the shop. A couple sit near the entrance, both enjoying their meal as they tell each other about their day. Another office worker is sitting hunched back near the back of the store.

It’s been years since Jihoon has seen a signboard quite like the one in front of him. The red background with lighted up white words “Ahjumma’s Cold Noodles” brings back so many memories from his school days.

He’s not feeling too hungry, so he decides to walk away.

It feels so nice to be able to walk with a light dance in his feet instead of the muscle pains that come along with an evening walk every time back home.

Even the air feels fresher, and Jihoon takes a deep breath of it.

He feels young again.

“Wait,” Jihoon mumbles to himself as he realises something different about him. He’s no longer wearing the sweater he’d worn to the clinic. Instead, he’s wearing a checkered flannel over a white shirt. And even though it’s been decades ever since he’d worn ripped jeans, how could he ever forget the suffocating pressure they put your legs through?

Jihoon feels the end of his lips tug upwards as he runs (he can run again!) to the nearest clothing store. He barges into the store, startling two employees, to which he bows in apology to. He spots a mirror, and hesitantly steps in front of it.

“Wow,” he can’t help but gush. 

Jihoon is nineteen again. 

He still has the honey brown hair from his teenage days, and his oversized flannel still hangs off his shoulders like a blanket. 

It feels so real, like he’s really back in the year 2018. Like he’s really a young boy again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 10pm_

Jihoon doesn’t know how he ends up outside a nightclub after that. Even when he was nineteen back then, he’d never thought of visiting a club even though his friends were big on that. He’d much rather remain in the dorms and read a good book or play video games till daybreak.

“What a nerd,” Jihoon chides himself as he happily flashes his identification towards the bouncer, who lets him in right after.

Jihoon knows what to expect in clubs, even though he’s never been to one in his life. 

Boys and girls, drinks and loud edm music. Bodies pressed against each other for warmth and strangers that didn’t know the concept of personal space.

“Hey,” Jihoon hears someone call out behind him once he orders a drink from the bar. (He’d ordered a coke, just because he misses the taste of the sugary soda. It’s been years since he had one of those.)

Jihoon turns around and comes face-to-face with a man that looks a few years older than him, He’s dressed nicely in a ripped denim jacket and similar light denim ripped jeans, which brings Jihoon back to the days of “denim on denim”. 

“Hello,” Jihoon replies, making sure to smile at the charming man. 

“Mind if I take a seat?” the man asks, already half a butt onto the chair beside Jihoon’s. He giggles at the thought and laughs, nodding his head. The man shares his laughter and sips on what looks like a cocktail.

Jihoon suddenly feels small when the bartender hands him his coke.

“Coke?” the man asks, more surprised than mocking. 

“Haven’t had one in decades,” Jihoon replies, tipping the cup towards the man and taking another sip. “I’m Jihoon. You?”

“Just call me Daniel,” the man offers with a bright smile. “You new here?”

“First time,” Jihoon admits. 

“Wow,” Daniel nods, taking another gulp of his drink. “Taking the first chance to hit the clubs, aren’t you? Figures, we wouldn’t be able to get close to a place like this in our real life.”

Jihoon chuckles at the thought of his 66-year-old self trying to get into the club and having to get stopped by the bouncer. 

“Thought I might as well do all the things I didn’t get to do when I was nineteen,” Jihoon shrugs. He looks around at all the people chatting and dancing with each other. Was this what he was missing out all along?

“Have you danced yet?” Daniel asks. 

Even though the change is subtle, Jihoon notices Daniel moving his seat closer and closer to him. A familiar feeling of butterflies in his stomach surface and he pretends not to notice, choosing to focus on the crowd of people in front of him instead.

“You mean like… that?” Jihoon asks, pointing towards a crowd of young people with their bodies pressed against each other. “Don’t get me wrong but… I don’t think someone like me should-“

Daniel doesn’t even let Jihoon finish his sentence (or his coke) when he decides to take Jihoon’s hand in his and start dragging him towards the dance floor. The crowd naturally part for the newcomers and pretty soon, he finds himself frozen in place with Daniel’s fingers intertwined with his.

“What?” Daniel asks with a cheeky grin plastered all over his face when Jihoon looks at him for help. “You said you wanted to do all the things you didn’t get to do back then. I’d take a bet and say dancing is one of those things.”

“Yeah, but-“ Jihoon protests but Daniel puts a finger to his lips to stop him from talking.

 _But I can’t dance_ , Jihoon wants to tell Daniel.

“But nothing,” Daniel insists. “We don’t have much time left. Let loose and enjoy yourself.”

Jihoon almost stumbles backwards when Daniel leans even closer to him, their noses almost touching. He doesn’t dare breathe a word, for fear that his wildly beating heart is going to come out his mouth. 

“You’re t-too close,” Jihoon mumbles, trying to put a hand between their bodies to maintain some personal space but Daniel only leans in even closer and whispers into Jihoon’s ear.

“We’re young again, baby.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 10:15pm_

Daniel is an excellent dancer. There are too many try-hards in this room that only know how to twerk or do the nae nae (and other millennial dances Jihoon can’t remember).

And Daniel is not one of them.

His hands glide expertly along Jihoon’s body, encouraging Jihoon to move to the beat with him. Daniel leads Jihoon along, but not too much until he has complete control over Jihoon. The flashing disco lights make it hard for Jihoon to keep a good look on Daniel, which is alright anyway because he’s way too embarrassed to be looking Daniel in the eye right now.

“Relax,” Daniel tells him over the loud music. 

Jihoon forces a tight smile while he tries to move his body to the beat. (he repeats, tries. He’s never danced in his lifetime – except maybe when Woojin had forced him to that one time.)

“I’m trying!” Jihoon protests, making Daniel laugh again.

And this is everything Jihoon has dreamt of – everything the real world promised him in this place. A chance for him to feel young and relive his best days again. He feels so free, like he doesn’t have a care in the world. 

It’s no wonder people called youth the best time of your life; because Jihoon is having the time of his life right now, in his 66-year-old mind with his 19-year-old energy and vigour.

He’s trying to enjoy himself when someone bumps into him and he feels something cold drip down his shirt.

“Shit, sorry!” someone behind him shouts.

“I’m fine,” Jihoon quickly replies, although his top half of his flannel is soaked in god knows whatever that someone was drinking. It definitely smells like beer.

“Woah,” Daniel says as he pulls Jihoon closer to him. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon manages weakly. See? This is what happens when he tries to have fun – he gets alcohol downed on his shirt, and to think the flannel was to his liking as well.

“Come on,” Daniel encourages Jihoon to follow him out of the crowd with a light tug on his arm. “It’s getting pretty crowded, we can come dancing another day.”

Jihoon doesn’t have the time to say anything in response, because Daniel guides him out of the crowd (which was honestly, starting to get a little suffocating.) and takes a deep breath of fresh air when the exit out the back door into a dark alley.

There are a few people smoking, but all of them are too caught up in conversation to notice Daniel and Jihoon.

“Oh, your hair,” Jihoon marvels.

“Hm?”

“It’s nice,” Jihoon explains, “I couldn’t see it well in the dark, but it’s such a pretty colour.”

Daniel’s hair is a dirty blonde colour, which Jihoon thinks perfectly suits the other man. 

“Pretty? Like you?” Daniel chuckles, leaning one of his arms against the wall while he surveys Jihoon.

Jihoon feels heat rushing to his cheeks, another feeling he’s forgotten over his adult years. The knots in his stomach feel familiar – it’s just that he hasn’t felt them in a while. 

“S-stop, I’m not,” Jihoon fumbles for the words. Why is it he manages to lose his ability to form a coherent sentence in front of hot guys? It happened with a few of his high school and college crushes, and trust Jihoon when he says there’s nothing more embarrassing than to lose the ability to talk in front of cute guys.

“I’m just playing with you,” Daniel assures Jihoon with a wave. “Are you sure you want to walk around with that stained shirt the entire night? We could go back to my place. I’m sure I have a few shirts that could fit you.”

Jihoon checks the time on his watch – 10:30pm.

“We have another hour and a half to midnight,” Daniel says, as if he knows what Jihoon is thinking about. “We have time.”

_We have time._

“Alright,” Jihoon feels a smile tugging on his lips naturally. “Lead the way, I guess.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 10:35 pm_

Jihoon feels a breath catch in his throat when he sees Daniel climbing onto the front seat of a red motorcycle at the side of the road. He doesn’t know why he didn’t see this coming – with the dirty blonde hair and very telling denim fashion, it should have been painfully obvious to Jihoon that Daniel would be an adrenaline junkie.

“Come on,” Daniel says, holding out a blue helmet to Jihoon. “Scared?”

“I’m just-“

“You know nothing’s going to hurt you, right?” Daniel’s voice softens. “Other than the fact that I drive safely, there’s nothing here that’s real enough to hurt you.”

 _Right_ , Jihoon remembers. Nothing here is real – it’s all in his head.

“Just,” Jihoon grabs the helmet and locks it into place while climbing into the space behind Daniel. “It’s my first time doing this. Ever.”

Daniel wordlessly grabs Jihoon’s arms to wrap them around his waist.

“Then I’ll be sure to make it good.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Year 2018: 10:38pm

Daniel lied.

The experience wasn’t good – it was great, exhilarating, everything Jihoon had been craving for his entire life; and he didn’t even know it until they started speeding through the highway with the wind messing up his hair.

“Good enough for you?” Daniel calls back, and Jihoon knows he’s grinning.

“I don’t know,” Jihoon lies, although he’s absolutely mesmerized by the sights on the city line. “I think I’ll have to think about it.”

That’s when Daniel steps on the accelerator, and Jihoon feels his heart pounding against his chest. 

In real life context, this wouldn’t be good at all. It comes with the age, but Jihoon has come to learn that when you’re old and your heart is pumping way too fast for its own good – it’s probably not a good sign.

But right now, Jihoon is free. And he feels infinite.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 10:45pm_

Jihoon’s heart doesn’t stop pounding even when they pull up to Daniel’s house – and boy, this is everything 19-year-old Jihoon would have dreamt of living in. (technically, he is 19 right now, but he’s 19 with 66-year-old expectations.)

Perhaps Jihoon is too used to seeing high rise apartment buildings that are built too closely together for everyone’s own good, but the sight of a beach side house makes him gasp unconsciously.

“It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?” Daniel says, walking ahead of Jihoon.

The sand feels soft under Jihoon’s shoes, and the last time he went to a beach was probably more than 10 years ago. He feels like a child again, and gathers happiness just from running to keep up with Daniel.

“I’m not lying when I say this is the kind of house I’ve dreamt of living in ever since I was young,” Jihoon gushes.

“Me too!” Daniel chirps. “Which is why, when I came here, the first thing I did was to realise my dream and get this house.”

Daniel proudly unlocks the door for Jihoon and leads him inside.

Other than the interior being as equally gorgeous as the exterior, Jihoon feels at home. 

Home, as he’s come to know, is coming back to Woojin lying down sideways on the couch reading his documents from the office. Home is where Jihoon knows exactly where under the couch the television remote is, and home is where he’s spent more than half of his life at.

But strangely, Daniel’s house feels like home too.

Maybe it’s the kind of wood the furniture is built with, or maybe it’s the various cat pictures Daniel has framed over his house. Even the kitchen feels like home – the shelves are filled with all kinds of spices and ingredients. (Jihoon and Woojin call for takeout most of the time; both being too exhausted to cook after a long day of work.)

“Hey,” Daniel’s voice and touch on his shoulder make Jihoon jump a little. “Oops, sorry. I just wanted to tell you that my bedroom’s on the right.”

“I uh, don’t really know which shirt you’d like best, so I laid out three that fit you best. You can use the bathroom in my bedroom,” Daniel continues, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

“It’s fine, thank you so much,” Jihoon smiles before bounding off to Daniel’s bedroom.

Daniel has laid out exactly three shirts – one a soft pastel pink (which Jihoon likes best), an ACDC band shirt that Jihoon remembers was explosively popular back then, and a regular striped shirt.

He quickly changes into the shirt which matches his frame perfectly and heads out to look for Daniel again.

The house is surprisingly empty – Daniel isn’t in the kitchen, or the living room. 

That’s when Jihoon looks out the window, and sees Daniel sitting on the front steps leading to his main door, and feels a warm feeling bubbling in his chest. He chooses to ignore it first, grabs himself and Daniel a glass of water, and makes up his mind to join the other boy.

“Hey,” Jihoon says softly, careful not to startle Daniel. 

Jihoon’s already sitting down next to Daniel when he says, “Mind if I join you?”

Daniel doesn’t seem to care, and graciously accepts the glass of water.

“It would be an honour.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2019: 11:00pm_

“This is nice,” Jihoon muses as the waves crash against the shore. It’s dark, but the bright moonlight helps Jihoon see the waves. It’s therapeutic, really, to live so closely to the sea.

“Yeah,” Daniel replies. “It gets lonely, though.”

Jihoon turns to look at Daniel, but the other boy’s gaze is on the ground.

“You have me,” Jihoon attempts.

“For what? Another hour?” Daniel chuckles, but it sounds bitter. “Don’t get me wrong, I love your company. It just sucks that it’s short-lived.”

Jihoon lets that sink in for a while.

“How old are you?”

Daniel lifts his head to smile at Jihoon.

“Twenty-two?” 

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Jihoon shakes his head, “But that’s fine. I guess age is a sensitive topic here.”

“Right,” Daniel agrees. “We don’t want to be reminded of the reality when we’re in paradise, do we?”

“And how long have you been… here?” 

“5 years real time, 2 months San Junipero time,” Daniel replies easily. “Feels like it’s been way longer, though.”

Jihoon does some mental calculations in his head, and realises that Daniel has been here for a long time; maybe even too long. He knows he shouldn’t ask personal questions – it’s just rude to ask about people’s real life when they’re enjoying their time in paradise.

Fortunately, Daniel is the one that asks Jihoon a question first this time.

“So… why San Junipero?” Daniel begins. “Were you curious? Or lonely? Or… were you hoping to find a certain someone here?”

“A little bit of both,” Jihoon admits. “And no – there’s no one here I know.”

“Oh, I’m sorry did your wife not-“

“Husband,” Jihoon corrects, but in a way he knows won’t make Daniel feel like he’s being cut off. “No, he didn’t choose to be uploaded here. He didn’t believe in out living his original life.”

 

 

 

 

Jihoon had argued with Woojin over this once. He’d meant it as an innocent question over dinner, whether Woojin would want to be uploaded into “paradise” in the end. Woojin was definitely not in favour over the idea, and told Jihoon nothing in San Junipero was real – it was all going to be in his head.

“I don’t want anything that isn’t real,” Woojin had snapped.

“Then why’d you marry me?” Jihoon had snapped back bitterly.

Jihoon regretted it instantly. The look in Woojin’s face made him bite down hard on his tongue, and he felt even worse when Woojin said nothing back to him; it was as good as agreeing their relationship wasn’t built solely on love. 

 

 

 

 

“I’m sorry,” Daniel says, not sure what he should say to Jihoon. And Jihoon instantly feels bad for bringing down the mood in this place.

“We agreed on all the wrong things,” Jihoon whispers, more for himself to hear than Daniel. 

Woojin is always a topic he’s avoided with Jinyoung and Daehwi, and any of his family members. It’s funny to think how Jihoon used to think being married to his best friend, his soulmate, would mean having the best marriage life. And to a certain extent, Jihoon still thinks he wouldn’t be happier being wed to anyone else.

“Did you… love each other?” Daniel asks tentatively.

Ah, there it is – the L word. The big question mark in Jihoon’s and Woojin’s relationship. The elephant in the room they’ve always pretended not to see. Jihoon knows he loves Woojin, and Woojin loves him back.

“Not in the way people wanted us to.”

Maybe because everyone has always expected Jihoon to end up with Woojin. They would be each other’s endgame, no matter how many boyfriends or girlfriends they had before getting together. There was no thrill in finally coming to terms that the universe worked in a way that Jihoon would only be able to be happy if he got together with Woojin.

Maybe it’s because he’s known Woojin ever since they were in diapers that he thinks Park Woojin is the most predictable person on earth. When Woojin is fidgety and more anxious than usual, Jihoon knows that he has something on his mind – probably trouble from work. And when Woojin hums a tune to himself while doing the chores, he’s probably happy and relaxed.

Their relationship is predictable with the usual “how was your day” and “it was alright, I’ll call for takeout, is chicken okay?” and “okay”. 

Jihoon used to think that one day he would wake up, and the magical bubbly feeling of “love” would fill his entire being and he and Woojin would be okay.

That day never came.

“Why did you never leave him? Knowing you’d never be happy if you stayed.”

Jihoon gulps nervously. A more than personal talk isn’t what he was looking for when he’d applied for the trail session two weeks ago – he was looking to find his youth again, to forget about his miserable real life. Instead, he finds himself dwelling in the same problems even in this so-called paradise.

Daniel’s question is one he’s asked himself countless times.

And to Woojin – once.

And he gives Daniel the same answer Woojin gave to him years ago.

 

 

_“Why are you still here? If you don’t love me?”_

_“I don’t think I deserve any better.”_

 

 

“I didn’t think I deserved any better.”

Even in his hazy and thought swirling mind, Jihoon manages to register Daniel’s fingers running down his cheeks – and he realises he’s crying.

“I’m not-“ he continues, then pauses to wipe away his own tears with his sleeve. “Oh my god, I wasn’t supposed to start crying, I’m sorry. This is so stupid.”

“It’s not,” Daniel insists. “You’re not stupid. Come here.”

And Jihoon lets Daniel pull him closer in his embrace, until he feels Daniel’s breath hot on his ear. It sends chills down his spine – but the good kind. 

“You deserve so much better,” Daniel continues, his voice low but comforting. His hands trail down Jihoon’s back and circle his waist protectively – and for the first time, Jihoon feels loved. “Can I… make you feel better?”

For a moment, Jihoon freezes in his spot, unsure of what Daniel is asking him. He looks up to the other boy, breath caught in his throat when he meets Daniel’s gaze. There’s nothing uncertain about the way Daniel looks right now.

He feels Daniel’s hands rest politely around his neck, waiting for Jihoon’s green light to continue. 

“I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“This is fine,” Jihoon nods slowly, his eyes already fixated on Daniel’s lips from the very beginning. 

Kissing Woojin was alright – it was just kissing, the pressing of both their lips together in a way that made noises and made Jihoon’s heart jump a little; but more from the nervousness than the warm feeling in his stomach everyone told him he would feel when he kissed the person he loved.

Kissing Daniel – is a whole other story.

Daniel wastes no time in connecting their lips, and while Jihoon expects it to be predictable, he doesn’t anticipate the fireworks in his chest that come with it. It’s explosive and unfamiliar – and while he would love to open his eyes and remember how Daniel looks right now, the sensations are too sweet, and he decides to fully immerse himself in the experience Daniel is walking him through right now.

He jumps when Daniel’s hand slips under his shirt.

“Sorry,” Daniel says, out of breath. “Do you want to stop?”

Jihoon isn’t about to say no to something that feels as good as this.

“Just… not outside?” he bites on his bottom lip and looks around, and although there’s no one outside, the thought of going further in somewhere so open doesn’t strike well with him.

Daniel grins – that alone makes Jihoon giddy. Infatuation or love, he doesn’t really give a fuck right now. 

“Come on,” Daniel stands up first and easily lifts Jihoon up into his arms while opening the front door and waltzing into his house.

“What are you doing?” Jihoon grabs onto Daniel’s collar for life support, “You’re going to drop me, put me down!”

“Not so easy,” Daniel shakes his head, then plants a big kiss on Jihoon’s lip, making the faintest of blush greet his cheeks. 

“Just trust me, I’m going to make you feel really good.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:15pm_

Daniel keeps to his word and sets Jihoon down on his bed gently before tugging the shirt off Jihoon.

“What a shame, I liked that shirt,” Jihoon teases. 

He’s never been like this in bed, or even when he’s doing anything mildly romantic with Woojin. There’s just something about Daniel that makes him want to tease the other to no hand; and it’s even better when Daniel responses in a way that makes Jihoon’s heart flutter in all the right days.

“Me too,” Daniel muses while taking his own shirt off. “Though I think you look way better without it.”

His breath hitches when Daniel climbs onto the bed with and hovers just slightly above him; their faces separated by centimetres, and wonders if he’s doing the right thing. 

“Where were we?” Daniel asks with a knowing smile on his face while brushing Jihoon’s hair to the side.

At this point, Jihoon doesn’t really care. All his life, he’s been so fixated on the mindset that if he isn’t happy with Woojin, maybe he doesn’t deserve to be happy at all. 

But now, there is a very beautiful man on top of him, offering him the choice of happiness. And who is he to say no?

“You said something about making me feel good?”

“Right, let’s get onto that.”

Jihoon isn’t sure how he’s supposed to feel when he’s in love with someone. Because he’s been told that he’s been in love with Woojin his entire life, but he still can’t bring himself to believe it. He thinks it would feel something like this though.

Like Daniel kissing the life out of him, and Daniel’s name escaping his mouth so easily and the way their hands intertwine tightly with each other, and the way his heart feels like it’s going to explode any moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:56pm_

The room is only filled with both of their ragged breaths and Jihoon tries his very best to sit up to look at Daniel when he returns from the bathroom with tissues to clean up.

“Stay,” Daniel says. “I got you.”

A minute later, Daniel jumps onto the bed and joins Jihoon under the covers.

“Hmm,” Jihoon hums, his head still a little buzzed, as he buries his head into Daniel’s chest. “Thank you, Daniel.”

“What for?”

“You know what for,” Jihoon smiles, although Daniel can’t see his face right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:58pm_

“Be happy when you get back,” Daniel says, running his fingers through Jihoon’s hair. He’s a little sweaty, but Daniel doesn’t seem to mind. “For me.”

“Why are you talking like we’re never going to see each other again?” Jihoon asks in a small voice.

“Don’t come back here.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:59pm_

“Why? You don’t want to see me anymore?” Jihoon lifts his head and looks at the other man, but Daniel is avoiding his gaze.

“It’s not that,” Daniel protests. 

“Then, why?”

Jihoon’s time is almost up, he can feel the seconds ticking down to midnight. And Daniel decides to pull this sort of joke on him now. He’s sitting up now, one hand still holding Daniel’s.

Daniel remains silent.

“Daniel, talk to me,” Jihoon’s voice cracks, and he realises he’s too afraid, of letting go of this small happiness that he’s found in this alternate reality.

“Be happy,” Daniel tells Jihoon, squeezing his hand one last time. “You deserve it.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 12:00am_

Jihoon opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. His vision starts to grow blurry and he feels Daniel physically slipping away from him. 

It’s too short, Jihoon hasn’t memorized all of Daniel’s features just yet. He has so many more things he wants to say, yet darkness consumes him instead and the warmth surrounding him disappears.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 12:01am_

“Hyung!” Jihoon hears Jinyoung’s voice call out to him when he’s still trying to listen out for Daniel’s. He manages to open his eyes slowly, still trying to get used to the stark contrast in lighting from Daniel’s warm room.

He sees the doctor removing the white button from his forehead and knows he’s back to the real world. Jihoon’s hands are still tightly clenched together, as if they were still holding someone else’s.

“How are you feeling, sir?” the doctor asks, an expression ridden with concern.

“Fine,” Jihoon manages to say, maybe even smiles a little.

“Well, your heart rates were pretty normal throughout the entire three hours, except for a few times but that’s nothing to worry about,” the doctor says, again more to Jinyoung than to Jihoon. “Congratulations on your first successful trial.”

Jihoon allows Jinyoung and the doctor to lift him up, although he’s sure he can do it alone. 

There’s a strange feeling in his heart when his feet touch the ground and he remembers the little aches in his joints. Oh, what he’d give to be 19 forever.

The doctor sees him out, and says, “Do let me know if you’re interested in continuing with the programme.”

Jinyoung thanks the doctor on behalf of Jihoon, because he’s too buzzed from the entire experience. Jinyoung remains silent until they pile into a cab and he gives the driver Jihoon’s address.

“So… how was it?” Jinyoung probes.

And Jihoon can’t quite put a word to the experience. Was it amazing? Yes. Was it terrifying? Double yes. Was it absolutely heart-breaking to have someone you grew attached to in such a short period of time tell you to never come back? 

_Yes._

“I need to go back,” Jihoon says, in a voice only he and Jinyoung can hear. 

“Hyung, maybe you should think about it,” Jinyoung sighs. “What did you see in there? Did you talk to anyone? Tell me more, then we can decide whether we should continue with this.”

“Lots of things,” Jihoon repeats, the memories flooding his mind. It seems like such a long time ago, even though in reality, it happened less than 10 minutes ago. “I saw lots of things. And I talked to someone. God, Jinyoung, I need to go back.”

“Okay, okay,” Jinyoung tries to calm Jihoon down before he starts rambling. “I’ll bring you back next week. Don’t worry, you’re going to be fine.”

Strangely, Jihoon does feel fine. There’s an ache in his heart telling him he needs to go back right now and ask Daniel what he meant, but he knows he will have to wait.

And wait he does.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 7:30pm_

Jihoon arranges to meet Jinyoung at the headquarters directly the next week. It took him a long time to convince his friend that there was really no need to bring him there; he was an independent man that could take the bus himself.

 

 

 

 

“But hyung-“ Jinyoung tried protesting.

“Tsk,” Jihoon cuts him off. “I’m thankful for your offer, but I think you should meet me there directly with Daehwi. With the way you’re acting, it’s no wonder some people think you’re married to me and not Daehwi.”

Jinyoung smiles and lightens up a little at the mention of Jihoon’s other friend and Jinyoung’s love of his life ever since high school. It’s kind of nauseating to see how giddy the two still act after being together for more than half a century, but Jihoon is happy that at the very least, his closest friends are very much in love.

“Fine,” Jinyoung relents. “Just make sure kids give up the seat in the bus for you. Or you can just take a cab.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 7:40pm_

Jihoon arrives a little late, and scurries into the building from the main entrance. It doesn’t take him very long to find his two friends, who are making quite a scene.

“I told you it was going to be cold,” Jihoon can hear Jinyoung sighing between his words, and smiles when he sees his two friends having a so-called argument in the middle of the building. “And what did you say?”

Daehwi remains silent, and a little pouty.

“You said ‘it’s fine, Jinyoung. I can take it’ and now you want to borrow my sweater?” Jinyoung continues.

“I said what I said,” Daehwi snaps back as he crosses his arms. “You don’t have to act like such a smartass about it.”

Jihoon laughs – anyone would, at an old married couple arguing about the pettiest things in public. It vaguely reminds him of Woojin and how they used to bicker all the time. People used to think it was cute, and Jihoon did enjoy pressing Woojin’s buttons; it was all for the fun of it, anyway.

But Jinyoung and Daehwi were different.

Woojin would never grudgingly take off his sweater and put it on Jihoon and mumble something about Jihoon being a burden, and Jihoon would never peck Woojin on his cheek as a thank you, and Woojin would never ruffle Jihoon’s hair in return.

Jihoon observes the two for a little longer, before he decides it is getting quite cold and walks up to them.

“Jihoon hyung!” Daehwi lights up when he sees Jihoon approaching them, and envelopes Jihoon in a tight hug. “I haven’t seen you since forever!”

“Sorry I’ve been stealing Jinyoung away from you for too long,” Jihoon says in return. “I told him to stop coming over, but he just won’t listen.”

“Oh, it’s fine,” Daehwi shakes his head but shoots Jinyoung a glare anyway. “I’ve been trying to get him out of the house for the longest time.”

Jihoon would love to keep chatting with his friends, but he’s starting to feel jittery from the anticipation again. It’s been a long 7 days, and he’s spent that thinking about San Junipero, and the way he’s going to be filled with energy again.

_And Daniel._

“Thank you so much for coming,” Jihoon says once again.

“We’re here to support you, no matter what,” Daehwi says, squeezing Jihoon’s hand, and Jinyoung offers him a bright smile.

How nice it would be, Jihoon thinks, if Woojin was ever as supportive as Jinyoung and Daehwi. How different things would be, he reminisces. Before he can let his thoughts linger, he lets Daehwi pull him away while lamenting about how Jinyoung keeps trying to cook dinner for the both of them even though it’s evident Jinyoung doesn’t have an inch of cooking DNA in his blood since they were 17.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 7:50pm_

“It’s nice to see you again,” the doctor says when he enters the room. Jihoon’s heart jumps with nervousness but he manages to wave at the doctor.

“You should be able to take all 5 hours,” the doctor adds. “But just to be safe, I’ll give you 4 this time. And the next time you can request for all 5, if you want.”

Jihoon nods and allows the doctor to set up and tries to relax.

“Ready anytime you are,” Jihoon tells the doctor.

He runs himself through what he needs to do when he gets there.

First, look for Daniel. Jihoon doesn’t have a clue where to start, maybe the club where they first met.

_And if Daniel’s not there?_

Jihoon doesn’t really have a Plan B. 

“Be safe, okay?” Daehwi says, patting Jihoon’s arm. “We’re here.”

It helps, to know that Jinyoung and Daehwi are going to be right beside him throughout the entire 4 hours. He nods, and closes his eyes. 

When the doctor puts the same white button on his forehead, he focuses on Daniel’s face. Hopefully, he’ll get lucky and will find Daniel right away. When he feels like he’s slipping into darkness again, he knows he’s halfway there.

Otherwise, he’ll keep on looking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 7:55pm_

Jihoon registers the warmth before anything else. Then he realises he’s in a park, from the way kids are screaming happily while playing in a playground nearby. It’s already dark, but there are lots of people in the park.

Elderly, couples and kids, you name it.

Jihoon takes a moment to appreciate the scene before him before remembering what he came here to do. 

He decides to take a cab, and finds out that the club isn’t too far from where he started and makes a mental note of the address, knowing he’ll probably come back here again.

Again, the bouncer lets him in with ease and he immediately keeps his eye out for a certain dirty blonde man.

“Where are you, where are you,” Jihoon chants to himself, making sure to get look of everybody that walks past him. “I’m here, where are you?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 8:30pm_

Jihoon doesn’t want to give up. He’s been sitting at the bar counter with a glass of coke in his hand, and observing the crowd. 

If Daniel had to be somewhere in this club, he would be on the dance floor. Jihoon still can’t forget how gracefully Daniel had moved – like he was made to be on stage. And most of all, he can’t forget the way Daniel touched him – like he believed with every fibre of his body that Jihoon deserved to be happy.

_I’m here, where are you?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 8:45pm_

_Found you._

Jihoon would recognize those long legs anywhere. Much less the animated body gestures and bunny toothed smile that Jihoon was once the receiver of.

He’s not the one on the receiving end today, though.

Jihoon’s fingers unconsciously curl around his glass when his eyes find who he’s been looking for the entire night. When he sees Daniel, everyone else in the room disappears and he’s only thinking about how they shared that night together.

He takes a gulp of his drink when he sees Daniel’s hand sliding up the thigh of the man he’s been making merry talk with at the bar table just a few metres away from Jihoon.

He should have known. He should have known he wasn’t special to Daniel, wasn’t anyone Daniel wanted to remember. No wonder Daniel had asked him to stay away, and never come back.

And then their eyes meet.

And Jihoon’s anger dissipates. Instantly, he’s transformed into a ball of nerves. Daniel’s eyes register confusion for a moment, and suddenly Jihoon is under his control again. It’s like Daniel is pulling all the right strings in his heart, and Jihoon loves it.

Daniel whispers something to the man, and disappears into the back toilet.

Jihoon follows, leaving his drink behind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 8:50pm_

“Daniel.”

Jihoon feels alive when he says that name. Like he’s been waiting his whole life just to let that same name roll of his tongue.

Daniel’s wearing the prettiest white button up shirt under his leather jacket, paired with jeans that make his long legs look even longer. It’s Daniel’s dangly earrings that make Jihoon go weak in his knees.

“You weren’t supposed to come back,” is what Daniel says after they share a few seconds of silence.

“But I am,” Jihoon insists, stepping closer to Daniel to prove his point. “I’ve been thinking about you, and how I left us the other time, and I don’t think it’s right for-“

“You don’t understand,” Daniel interrupts with a frown on his face. “I don’t…”

He trails off and his gaze meets the ground.

Instantly, Jihoon’s heart shatters, and he’s the only one that can hear it.

“Right. I misunderstood,” Jihoon smiles. “That night didn’t mean anything to you. I was just an easy fuck.”

“Jihoon!” 

Jihoon flinches when Daniel yells at him.

“How can you say that about yourself?”

“It’s what you think of me, isn’t it?” Jihoon counters. “I read the signs wrong, and I’m sorry for coming all the way back to bother you.”

Daniel remains silent, which fuels Jihoon’s anger even more.

“Fucking hell,” Jihoon mumbles to himself as he turns away from Daniel to hide the fact that he’s started to tear up. “To think I really deserved to be happy.”

Jihoon doesn’t wait for Daniel’s response; he doesn’t think his heart can be broken any further.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 9:00pm_

Jihoon really doesn’t know what he’s thinking when he storms out of the bathroom and kisses the first guy that walks into his path. (To be honest, he’s not really thinking.)

And he hates it, the guy kisses him in all the wrong ways and there’s no fire blazing in his heart telling him it craves more. Jihoon kisses harder, because he knows he’s fucked – his heart wants nobody else but Daniel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 9:01pm_

“Park Jihoon!”

Someone pulls him away from the kiss, and Jihoon fumbles back into their chest.

“Dude, what the hell!” the man Jihoon was kissing yells.

“Fuck off,” Jihoon hears Daniel growl from behind him. “He’s with me.”

For a moment, Jihoon is afraid they’re going to get physical, then the man’s friends come along and shuffle him along. Maybe it’s the way Daniel is twice the size of most of them, or maybe it’s the way Daniel is holding him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jihoon snaps when they walk away and he’s left alone with Daniel again.

There are a few people staring, but no one says anything.

“You’re not allowed to kiss anyone but me.”

Jihoon scoffs, “And you can chat up any guy at the bar. You told me not to come back to you, so why are you changing your mind now?”

Something flickers inside Daniel’s eyes, and Jihoon is afraid he’s finally flipped a switch that can’t be turned back off.

“I fucked up,” Daniel finally says. “Let me take you home, I’ll explain everything, okay?”

Jihoon’s supposed to say no – but he’s a puppet in Daniel’s performance and he’ll do anything just to feel happy even if it’s just for a fleeting moment. He nods, and lets Daniel’s arm fit perfectly across his waist as they walk out of the club together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 9:20pm_

They don’t even make it into the bedroom before both their tops are off this time.

“I can’t believe you kissed another guy because you were mad at me,” Daniel says as he tosses Jihoon’s top behind him and lifts Jihoon up so that Jihoon’s looking down at him. “You really know how to drive me crazy.”

“And I’ll do it again,” Jihoon fights back. “If you don’t make it up to me.”

“Relax babe,” Daniel finally smiles for the first time tonight. “I’ll make sure my name is the only thing you’ll know by the end of tonight.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 10:30pm_

A laugh rises from Jihoon’s throat when Daniel climbs into bed after cleaning them up again.

“Why do you always look so happy after?” Daniel teases, pinching Jihoon’s cheeks. His expression droops when a hand flies to his mouth, “Don’t tell me… I’m the only one you’ve done this with?”

“Shut up,” Jihoon laughs as he slaps Daniel’s chest. “Of course I’ve done it before. I just never had it with-“

“With someone this good?” Daniel completes his sentence, grinning like a fool.

“Keep humouring yourself,” Jihoon rolls his eyes and tries to enjoy this moment. It feels nice when they’re under the sheets and their legs are tangled together. 

And then his stomach has to growl.

“Oh,” Daniel says.

“Oh,” Jihoon replies in amusement.

“Want some dinner? My cooking skills are as good as my you know,” Daniel pauses to wriggle his eyebrows, making Jihoon’s face heat up all over again. He wants to tell Daniel to shut up, but he’s actually really hungry and some dinner right now sounds just about right, so he nods.

Daniel sits up and presses a kiss against Jihoon’s temple.

“Take a bath if you want to,” Daniel says. “I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

And he walks out the door after patting Jihoon’s stomach.

Jihoon remembers he didn’t get to finish his sentence.

 

_“I just never had it with someone who made me feel this happy.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 10:55pm_

Jihoon emerges from Daniel’s shower with a towel around his neck and looks inside Daniel’s cupboard for a clean top. Once he finds one that actually fits him, he shuffles out the door.

He smells the food even before he enters the kitchen. 

“That smells amazing,” Jihoon admits as he sits down on one of the kitchen stairs as he watches Daniel cook. 

It’s been forever since he had something homemade to eat for dinner. The last time he had it was when Daehwi had insisted on coming over to cook for Woojin and him a year ago, quote “you two may as well be still 18, with the way you’re living. You should be ashamed of yourselves” unquote.

“Don’t fall for me too hard,” Daniel teases, doing a little celebratory dance at Jihoon’s compliment.

Jihoon doesn’t say it, but he knows he’s already fallen.

“I love you,” he mumbles against Daniel’s back when he stands up to wrap Daniel in a back hug. 

“It’s your afterglow talking,” Daniel chides.

That’s when Jihoon feels his heart drop a little. 

He’s never been so willing to say such things to Woojin, or even his closest family. It’s always been a sort of accepted thing between him and Woojin. There was no need to say it out loud, they both knew they loved the other, just in a slightly different way.

“Sorry,” he replies and goes back to waiting at the table while Daniel separates the rice into two portions.

“We’ll talk, okay?” Daniel assures him with a gentle pat on his shoulder. “Eat first.”

And it consoles him a little, to know that Daniel thinks they’re going to be okay. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:20pm_

Daniel joins him on the couch after washing the dishes. 

Jihoon opens his mouth, but no words come out. He doesn’t even know where to start, where to start cleaning up the mess. But Daniel jumps in to save him, and holds both of Jihoon’s hands in his.

“First of all, I’m here to clarify that I never saw you as an easy fuck, or anything like that. I meant everything I said the previous time – when I said you deserved to be happy,” Daniel begins.

“And you meant it when you said I shouldn’t come back?” Jihoon challenges.

Daniel takes a deep breath, “I’m scared, Jihoon.”

“Of what?” Jihoon replies, running his thumb gently over Daniel’s knuckles. “You can tell me, I’m still going to be here.”

When Daniel lifts his head to look at Jihoon, he gasps. Because Daniel’s eyes are moist, the tears threatening to fall out anytime.

“I’m dying.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:30pm_

“My vitals are failing me,” Daniel says after a long pause. “My heart, lungs, kidneys, you name it. They’re all shutting down one by one, and I don’t know how long I have left.”

It comes as a shock to Jihoon – all this while he’s been seeing Daniel as this strong and healthy young man with a perpetual giggle to his talk that he forgets outside of San Junipero, Daniel is ageing too.

“I’ve been sleeping for a very long time,” Daniel explains. “The hospital can’t keep my heart going for much longer. My time is almost up.”

“Wait, sleeping?” a breath catches in Jihoon’s throat. “You’re-?”

“I’ve been in a coma for the past 15 years,” Daniel smiles, but there’s no sunshine that radiates along with it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:33pm_

“I had a wife,” Daniel gulps. “And a little girl, too.”

It hurts, somehow, to know that Daniel was very happy in his real life.

“I loved them. And then one day, we bump into one of my ex-boyfriends from high school on the street. And my wife; she couldn’t take it, she hated the fact that I was bisexual,” Daniel sniffs. Jihoon attempts to hold Daniel closer, but his hands are trembling as well.

“She took my daughter and left, couldn’t even contact them or her family at all. They just acted like I never existed,” Daniel chews on his lower lip before continuing. “One day, I drank too much. And when I was driving the car on the way home I just-“

“-just drove off the road,” Daniel finishes. “I’m lucky to even be alive.”

Jihoon feels weak, just knowing that Daniel is somewhere back there, lying down on a bed, depending on life support for the past 15 years. Daniel doesn’t deserve this, he deserves to see the world and so much more.

“I was scared of you,” Daniel begins again. “Because you were the first person I genuinely felt emotionally attached to in San Junipero. It’s like you came and flicked on a switch I didn’t know was in me, and suddenly I’m terribly afraid of losing you.”

Jihoon knows his actions speak louder than words, so he just holds Daniel close to him and kisses his tears away. He’s been a fool, to think that Daniel wanted him to leave when all Daniel really wanted was for him to stay.

“I’m here,” Jihoon whispers, as he would to a child. “You can let it all out.”

He pats Daniel’s back slowly, and Daniel sobs into his shirt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:45_

“I want to see you,” Jihoon says when he feels Daniel calming down.

“No, you can’t,” Daniel shakes his head.

“Why?” Jihoon replies, wiping away Daniel’s tears with his thumbs.

“I’m ugly,” Daniel manages to giggle even when he’s crying. “I haven’t seen how I look for the past 15 years, and by the way people react when they come to see me, it’s not good.”

“Shut up,” Jihoon mumbles. “You’re handsome to me whenever. Please? I just want to see you once.”

“Okay,” Daniel nods.

“Okay,” Jihoon replies, running his fingers through Daniel’s hair because he knows it calms Daniel down when he does that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:57_

“Can you do me a favour when you see me?” Daniel asks when they’re still on the couch.

“Anything,” Jihoon replies in a heartbeat.

“Tell Jisung,” Daniel pauses. “That’s my doctor. He’s the only person that’s been talking to me the past 5 years. Tell him when it’s time, he can upload me here.”

A few seconds pass and Jihoon finally registers what Daniel is saying.

“You want to stay here forever?”

“Better here than anywhere else,” Daniel replies. “It’s been my home for the past few months. I think it’s beautiful. It’s where I met many people, saw many things, felt young again.”

“Fell in love again,” Daniel adds with a subtle smile.

Jihoon doesn’t know what to say after he’s been entrusted with something as important as this. But he decides to agree, because Daniel gets to decide what he wants to do with his own life. And because he cares for Daniel, he’s going to fulfil his last wish.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:59pm_

“Say hi when you see me,” Daniel says when Jihoon knows the seconds are counting down. “I can hear you, I just won’t be able to respond.”

“Got you, old man,” Jihoon giggles. “I’ll see you soon.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 12:01am_

This time, Jihoon wakes up with the same warmth he’d left Daniel with. Daehwi looks a little concerned, and Jinyoung squeezes his hand once to let him know that they’re there. Jihoon waits for the doctor to take off the white button and lifts himself off the chair.

“Do you have a piece of paper?” Jihoon asks the doctor.

“Of course, sir,” the doctor nods and quickly retrieves a small note pad from his coat. Jihoon borrows a pen as well and quickly scribbles down the address that Daniel had given him. Knowing his failing memory, he would forget about it if he didn’t write it down somewhere.

Jihoon thanks the doctor and walks out of the building with Daehwi and Jinyoung.

“What was that?” Jinyoung asks, looking pointedly at the note in Jihoon’s tightly clenched fists. He’s afraid he’s going to lose it, or misplace it somehow.

“Just… someone I have to see,” Jihoon mumbles as he stuffs the paper into his pocket. 

“Do you want us to come with you?” Daehwi suggests.

Jihoon shakes his head no. He knows he should be truthful to his best friends – but the guilt of seeing another man when his friends think he’s still in love with Woojin makes him keep his mouth shut. 

Daniel is still his little secret, for now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 3:50pm_

Jihoon takes the subway to the address in his hand the next day. The cold bites into his bones while he’s walking to the hospital but he trudges on – not willing to spend money on a cab. (You’re such a miser, Woojin would chide, if he were here.)

The hospital is a located on a hill, and Jihoon wonders why, if technology is so advanced these days they still don’t have an escalator for people like him. Slowly but surely, he makes his way up the stairs and stops to catch his breath at the entrance.

Holding the paper tight in his hand, he walks up to the counter.

“Hi!” a young lady greets him with a smile. “How can we help you today?”

“I’m looking for a… friend,” Jihoon replies, passing the paper over to the lady. “He gave me this address and told me to visit him.”

The lady makes a few quick phone calls and his request is quickly approved. She leads him up (thank god, no more stairs) a few escalators and lifts and they reach an isolated room at the end of the ward.

“The doctor is helping him take his meds right now,” the lady explains. “But it should be fine, head on in.”

Jihoon thanks the lady and she leaves.

He stands outside the door for a moment, contemplating whether he should knock. And wondering how Daniel is going to look. 

This feels different. This is real life – this is when he confirms that Daniel is real. 

_So why is he so scared?_

Jihoon takes one last deep breath and knocks twice before sliding the door open.

“Oh! Hello,” a man in a white coat quickly smiles when he sees Jihoon entering. “You must be here to visit Daniel.”

At the sound of his name, Jihoon’s throat tightens.

“Y-yeah,” he nods, keeping his eyes on the doctor because he just can’t bring himself to look at Daniel just yet. He’s afraid it’s going to break him, and he’s going to crumble right there and then. “You must be Jisung, Daniel told me about you.”

“He talked about me?” Jisung’s face lights up like a bulb. “Oh God, please don’t tell me he told you about me complaining about my wife. I can’t help it, I need a break from her nagging sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I love her.”

Jisung rambles on further, and Jihoon smiles. At the very least, he’s thankful that Daniel has had a trustable doctor by his side for the past 5 years.

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with us,” Jihoon confirms. “Can I… see him?”

Jisung suddenly remembers why Jihoon’s here in the first place, and quickly nods. 

“I’m just here to warn you that he’s probably not in the… best condition right now. If all you’ve ever seen of him is his younger self,” Jisung explains calmly, careful not to alarm Jihoon.

“It’s fine,” Jihoon forces a smile. “I came prepared.”

Jisung takes in a deep breath and draws the curtains around the bed. Jihoon sees Daniel’s hair first. 

It’s not the dirty blonde he’s used to, it’s actually kind of grey. It’s nothing that shocks Jihoon, especially with the wrinkles and liver spots that come with age. His cheeks no longer have a youthful flush in them, but Jihoon is already prepared.

What he’s not prepared for – is seeing a long scar across Daniel’s right leg; his only remaining leg.

“He-“ Jihoon begins, but he can’t continue.

“The accident took his left leg,” Jisung explains. “They had to operate on him to make sure he could live.”

Jihoon can’t even fathom how Daniel can deal with knowing how much the accident he’d caused had harmed him. He can’t believe, no he doesn’t want to believe that Daniel wouldn’t be able to dance properly, to carry him in his arms anymore.

Just then, Jisung taps on his shoulder.

“I’ll be outside if you need me. Try talking to him. He can hear you, but there’s no way he’s going to respond.”

Jihoon wipes away a stray tear and thanks Jisung before the doctor leaves him and Daniel alone in the ward.

He waits in silence for a while, not knowing where he should start. He knows he wants to cry for Daniel, but is sure the other man wouldn’t like that at all. So he wipes away his tears with his sleeve and feigns a smile, although Daniel can’t see him.

Jihoon grabs one of Daniel’s hands, which is cold. With the other, he gently pats Daniel’s hair.

“Hi, baby,” Jihoon knows he would gag if he said this while Daniel could respond, but he thinks it would make Daniel happy so he says it anyway. “I came to visit.”

Although Daniel’s eyes are still closed and his hands don’t squeeze Jihoon’s like he expects them to, Jihoon thinks it’s okay. He knows what Daniel would say to him anyway.

_You came! I’m really ugly and old, aren’t I?_

“No, you’re not,” Jihoon chokes out while smiling. “I still think you’re really handsome. You’re handsome no matter what, to me.”

_Are you cold? Why didn’t you wear something warmer?_

“I’m not cold,” Jihoon says, shaking his head. “You’re the one that’s cold. Your hands are really cold, here, I’ll cover you with some blankets.” With that, he stands up and pulls the blankets up to cover Daniel.

_I’m sorry you had to see me like this._

“It’s not your fault,” Jihoon says. “Everything’s going to be okay. I’m going to talk to Jisung, so don’t worry about a thing, alright?”

_Thank you, Jihoon._

Jihoon wants to say something back but decides not to, or he’s going to breakdown any moment. Fortunately, Jisung knocks on the door and pops his head in, holding a Styrofoam cup in his hands.

“Coffee?”

“Yes, please,” Jihoon nods. He presses one quick kiss to Daniel’s temple and makes sure he looks comfortable before waving goodbye. 

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” 

With that, Jihoon composes himself and walks out, where Jisung is waiting at a nearby bench with a hot cup of coffee in his hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 4:20pm_

“How’s Daniel holding up?” Jisung asks once Jihoon sits down.

“He’s…” Jihoon trails off, not knowing the right words for the moment. “He’s happy, I guess.”

“I was afraid of putting him through the first trail,” Jisung sighs, reminiscing the past. “It was his daughter who requested I let him try this out.”

“His daughter?” Jihoon repeats.

Jisung nods solemnly.

“She blamed herself, and her mother,” Jisung explains. “For their family falling out, for the accident. She said Daniel deserved to live, even if it wasn’t in the real world. She worked in the company that set up San Junipero and paid me a visit one day. I was Daniel’s temporary doctor back then, imagine how shocked I was to see a 26-year-old lady stride into the ward and tell me she was my patient’s daughter.”

Jihoon stares at his coffee – this is new information to him. Daniel had never mentioned anything about his daughter coming back to visit him, much less being the one to initiate him trying out this experience.

“She told me not to tell Daniel,” Jisung says, as if he’s reading Jihoon’s mind. “She’s scared that Daniel still hates her, she was the reason they’d seen Daniel’s ex-boyfriend that day. It’s complicated, she insisted on having dinner at this restaurant. And everything just went downhill from there. She begged me to say I was the one who wanted Daniel to try it out.”

Somehow, Jihoon understands. But his heart still bleeds for Daniel; he knows from the way Daniel had sobbed the previous night, how much he loved his family and how betrayed he’d felt when they couldn’t accept him for who he was. 

And he had to live the past 15 years thinking they didn’t care.

“Daniel wants a favour from you,” Jihoon finally says, grabbing the empty cup between his two hands.

Jisung waits for Jihoon to continue.

“He told me to tell you when you think it’s time… he wants to be uploaded into San Junipero forever.”

There a tight knot in Jihoon’s chest when he says it, but this is what Daniel wants. At the very least, he should have a right to live his life however he wanted from now on.

Jisung takes a deep breath, then nods, “I understand. I’ll respect whatever he thinks is best for himself. It’s getting hard now, for him to depend on life support. And… I don’t want him to suffer any longer.”

Jihoon understands, he wants Daniel to stay in paradise forever.

No more pain, no more tears, just happiness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 7:03pm_

Daniel’s front door is open so Jihoon lets himself in and finds Daniel already cooking in the kitchen. It’s a heavenly sight, to have someone waiting for him when he gets home. Ever since Woojin passed, Jihoon has found it harder and harder to mope around in his empty apartment.

Daniel doesn’t seem to have heard him entering, so Jihoon decides to sneak up on him and wrap his arms around Daniel’s waist.

“Hi!” 

Daniel jumps a little, spatula still in his hand, but relaxes his expression when he sees that it’s only Jihoon.

“Hey,” Daniel greets Jihoon with the biggest smile on his face. “Welcome home.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 7:40pm_

Dinner was heavenly, Jihoon doesn’t think he can move from the couch for the next 2 hours just because Daniel has fed him too well. He scrolls through the channels absentmindedly with the noises of Daniel washing the plates in the background to accompany him.

“Ugh,” Daniel collapses beside Jihoon once he’s done and Jihoon pinches his cheeks.

“Thanks for doing the dishes,” he says. “What should I do to reward you?”

“Nothing,” Daniel buries his face into Jihoon’s shoulder. “I’m so grateful you came to visit me the other day.”

And then Jihoon remembers – he has to tell Daniel about his daughter.

“Hey, do you want to take a walk with me?” Jihoon suggests. “By the beach.”

Daniel nods enthusiastically and pulls Jihoon off the couch almost immediately. Hand in hand, the two run out of the house without any shoes, and Jihoon comes to love the feeling of sand in between his toes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 8pm_

Coupled with the smell of the saltwater and the sight of the sun slowly descending into the water’s edge and the sky slowly during dark, Jihoon knows why people call San Junipero heaven on earth.

Technically, it’s not on earth. It’s supposed to be all in Jihoon’s mind – a programme, you might call it. But everything feels real, from the way the light breeze makes Jihoon gather his legs to the sand he doesn’t bother washing off his legs, to the way Daniel nuzzles his face into the crook of Jihoon’s neck.

This is paradise; and he never wants to leave.

“Do you know who introduced you to this place?” Jihoon asks.

“Yeah? Jisung did, around 5 years ago. He told me they invented this new kind of technology in the real world and wanted to try it out on me,” Daniel explains. “Of course, I couldn’t respond so imagine the shock I felt when I was suddenly transported to this dimension. It was weird, but I felt alive again and I just continued with it I guess.”

Jihoon swallows a lump in his throat. He intertwines their fingers together because he knows the news he’s about to deliver isn’t going to be taken well by Daniel.

“Well… what if I told you Jisung wasn’t the one who wanted you to do this?”

Daniel finally lifts his face to look at Jihoon, “I’d say you’re lying.”

“I’m not,” Jihoon says softly.

“What?”

“I didn’t want to keep this a secret from you,” Jihoon mumbles. “It’s not right. You deserve to know the truth, okay?”

Daniel wears an unreadable expression on his face, probably bewildered from Jihoon’s suggestion that his doctor may have not been the one to push this programme for him after all.

“Jisung talked to me, and he told me – your daughter was the one who told him to put you through this programme. She felt guilty for breaking up the family, and when she found out about your accident she was devastated. She blamed herself, so she told Jisung you deserved to live, even if it was in a slightly different place.”

By now, Daniel hand has gone limp.

“Yoojung?” Daniel repeats. “She was the one who-“

Jihoon squeezes Daniel’s hand to let him know he’s still here.

“She’s afraid you still hate her,” Jihoon continues. “She blames herself for everything.”

“No, no, no,” Daniel mumbles. “I don’t hate her, I could never hate her. She’s my life, my everything. I thought she hated me.”

Jihoon quickly wraps Daniel into his embrace and pats him lightly on the back to calm him down.

“She loves you, so much,” Jihoon whispers into Daniel’s ear. “I’m sure she does.”

Daniel doesn’t get to say anything in return, because all he does is dig his fingers into Jihoon’s back and cries. He cries like it’s the only thing he knows how to do, and all Jihoon can do for him and hold him and tell him it’s going to be okay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 9:00pm_

“Okay?” Jihoon asks when he feels Daniel calming down. It’s pitch dark outside now, the only source of light being the lights from Daniel’s house and the bright, full, moon hovering above the two boys. 

Daniel still has his head buried between his knees, but he’s stopped crying, which is a relief. He’s spent the last few minutes gazing into the distance – and Jihoon has no idea what he’s thinking about.

“Sorry,” Daniel finally says, his voice hoarse from crying. “I’m wasting the time we have together by being a big cry baby.”

“Don’t say that,” Jihoon protests, interlacing their fingers. “The 5 hours I spend here are the best 5 hours of my week.”

Daniel manages a smile, and as small as subtle as it is, Jihoon knows it’s natural.

“Let’s do something else,” Daniel says, standing up and dusting his clothes. “I don’t really want to think about this right now.”

Jihoon follows suit, nodding his head immediately.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 9:15pm_

“This is what you wanted to do instead?” Jihoon laughs when they sit on the couch with their bodies touching and an Xbox controller each in their hands. He doesn’t remember the last time he’d played a game like this. A feeling of nostalgia washes upon him and he turns to Daniel, who is excitedly picking his character on the screen.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to play on multiplayer mode with someone,” Daniel says excitedly.

“You didn’t take the chance with all the other guys you’ve brought back to your home?”

“Aw, are you jealous?” Daniel teases, the sides of his eyes crinkling when he smiles so hard his face looks like it’s going to tear.

Jihoon puffs out his cheeks – it’s a natural habit he’s picked up when he’s feeling annoyed. 

“Am not.”

“Don’t worry,” Daniel sing-songs as he (finally) finishes picking his character and the game starts with a countdown. “You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted to call my boyfriend.”

“Your what now?” Jihoon repeats, surprised at Daniel’s sudden cheeky behaviour and drops the controller in his hands to look at Daniel.

Daniel peels his eyes off the screen to glance at Jihoon, then smiles.

“What? You don’t want to be my boyfriend?” he asks, eyes returning to the screen, and Jihoon can hear his fingers moving fast on the controller. 

“I-I just,” Jihoon stutters. “I mean. That would be nice-“

“Alright, guess that’s settled then,” Daniel replies as he puts down his controller to smirk at Jihoon while pointing his finger towards the screen. “By the way, _boyfriend_ , it looks like you were too distracted by me, you seem to have lost a point.”

When Jihoon finally turns back to look at the screen, he finds his character, lying on the ground, dead, and waiting to respawn because Daniel had sneakily taken advantage of him.

“You are dead,” Jihoon mutters, picking up his controller again, but still feeling the blush rise to his cheeks when he hears Daniel giggle at his cute antics.

In the end, Daniel “lets” Jihoon win the game. 

It’s no secret that it’s been game over for Park Jihoon ever since he’s met Kang Daniel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 10:15pm_

“This is boring,” Daniel laments as they’re in Daniel’s bed, his fingers in Jihoon’s hair and under the covers binge watching another Netflix series neither of them have watched. 

Jihoon sighs, “You think it’s boring because you spent the first half of the episodes talking to me about your cats and now you don’t understand anything that’s going on.”

As luck would have it, a kitten made a cameo in the first episode – which led Daniel to become distracted and start telling Jihoon about tales of the cats he used to get back home. Jihoon would try to listen and occasionally hum to let Daniel know he was listening. Of course, when Daniel’s attention returned to the show; he couldn’t understand a single thing.

“Let’s do something else,” Daniel says, doing some weird kicking thing that makes the bed shake, and Jihoon can’t focus on the show anymore.

“Then what do you want to do?” Jihoon raises his eyebrows as he slams the laptop shut, looking at Daniel.

Daniel has a mischievous smile on his face when the words escape Jihoon’s mouth. Jihoon thinks he resembles a large dog waiting for a treat from its owner. 

“Kiss me,” Daniel smiles giddily.

“No,” Jihoon says, folding his arms, not wanting to give in.

“Then I’ll do it myself,” Daniel says and crawls forward to capture Jihoon’s lips in his. 

It’s like a fire blazing through his entire body, Jihoon feels hot once Daniel’s tongue slips into his mouth and all his body is telling his brain is that he wants more.

And then he has to think about Woojin. The way Woojin would smile when Jihoon made the worst joke to cheer him up after a long day at work. The way Woojin knew exactly where Jihoon had left his phone when he was in an anxious frenzy in the morning. The way he’d felt at ease, at home, whenever Woojin knew exactly when to give him a hug when he was sad.

And suddenly, it doesn’t feel so right for Daniel’s hands to be under his shirt.

“Hey,” Jihoon manages to mumble through their kiss. 

Daniel stops for a moment, chest heaving, to look at Jihoon.

“I’m really tired,” Jihoon lies. “Can we just cuddle instead?”

Daniel looks confused, but quickly nods. 

“Of course, come here.”

Jihoon fits his head nicely around Daniel’s arm – a stark contrast to what they were planning to do a few moments ago. But he’s suddenly thinking of a certain man with a snaggletooth smile and he doesn’t feel so much like smiling right now.

“Is everything okay?” Daniel asks hesitantly, pulling down Jihoon’s shirt now because it had ridden up in the heat of the moment earlier.

Jihoon manages a weak, “Yeah” and allows Daniel to open the laptop and continue the show from where they’d left off earlier. The characters on screen start moving again and Jihoon tries to pay attention, but nothing is working.

This time, Daniel is the one focusing while Jihoon’s mind wanders, until he doesn’t know where it lands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:30pm_

“So, you were a lawyer?” Daniel repeats, looking very pleased at the new information Jihoon’s just presented to him. They had both decided the show was indeed, boring, and decided to just talk instead.

“Yeah,” Jihoon recounts. “Up till I was around 58 years old. I did some volunteer work after to keep myself occupied until,” this is where his throat forms a lump he can’t quite swallow. “Until Woojin got sick, and I spent my time after that taking care of him.”

Jihoon thinks those were the times he felt most distant from Woojin. Even with almost 40 years of marriage between them, Woojin had never felt so foreign in his care as then. It was different from them being the best of friends when they were young – it was painful to see Woojin suffer, and even more painful to see that Woojin didn’t like seeing Jihoon fuss over him.

“He was sick?” Daniel asks, softly.

“Yeah,” Jihoon nods. “Cancer’s a dick. He went peacefully though, or so I hoped.”

“I’m sure he did,” Daniel replies. “Being taken care of by the person he loves most in the world up till the moment he leaves is one of the best things you could have given him.”

Jihoon would like to think that.

But sometimes he’s afraid that Woojin hates him – for taking away his youth, or his chance at a love life. Woojin was a good person, the best there could be, and he had to get married to his best friend that he didn’t love and didn’t love him back.

“I just miss him sometimes,” Jihoon sighs.

“Sometimes?” Daniel raises an eyebrow.

“Like, all the time,” Jihoon shrugs. “But I think I miss us being best friends the most. I think we were pressured, to act like lovers when we got married, and that took away the best part about our friendship.”

“Right,” Daniel nods, like he understands. 

They go into silence for a while, and Daniel lets Jihoon think.

“I miss my family too,” Daniel finally says, breaking the silence. “Even if things didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to.”

“Your daughter loves you so much,” Jihoon replies. “She’s just afraid.”

“I wish I could see her just one last time.”

Jihoon too, shares the same sentiment. He wishes he could see Woojin just one last time, and share one more hug, and get the opportunity to say what he wants to say to Woojin.

“And you will,” Jihoon chews on his lower lip. “I’ll bring her to you. I’ll try.”

Daniel turns his head to look at Jihoon, and there’s a small smile on his face. 

“You don’t have to, you’ve already done so much for me,” Daniel says.

“And I’ll continue to do much more,” Jihoon concludes, then brings the back of Daniel’s hand to his lips, and kisses it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:59pm_

“Goodnight,” Daniel says, stroking Jihoon’s head.

“See you soon,” Jihoon replies.

Daniel hums, lets his arm wrap around Jihoon’s waist to pull him closer and Jihoon just takes in everything. Daniel’s smile, the way Daniel’s chest rises slowly when he inhales and exhales, and the way Daniel’s eyelids part ever so slightly every few seconds to see if Jihoon’s still here, and the smile on his face when he realises that he is.

It feels nice to go to sleep next to Daniel, but Jihoon thinks it would be way better if he could wake up next to Daniel too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 12:00am_

Finally, Jihoon drifts off to sleep. And he sleeps, dreaming about a different boy than he’s used to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 12:10am_

Again, Jinyoung and Daehwi accompany him out of the centre. There’s always a lingering feeling of regret when the fresh air hits Jihoon in the face again and reminds him that this is real life. He can almost still smell Daniel’s breath on him.

“It’s almost been a year,” Jihoon says when they step out.

“A year?” Jinyoung cocks his head to the side in confusion.

“Woojin hyung’s anniversary,” Daehwi explains, his gaze cast onto the ground.

Jihoon fiddles with his fingers, then his shirt. He doesn’t know what to say, what to do, or how he should start telling Jinyoung and Daehwi about San Junipero and the special person he’s met over there.

Will they feel betrayed? Angry for Woojin? Or pretend to be happy for him?

“Hyung,” Daehwi pipes up.

“Yeah?” he manages weakly.

“It’s okay to let go.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 8:15pm_

Jihoon can hear Daniel, but he’s not listening. He’s on their couch, scrolling through the tv channels absentmindedly as Daniel talks to him about Jisung and the way he nags about his wife while cooking dinner for the both of them.

There’s a nagging feeling in his chest that he can’t seem to get rid of. And he knows – it’s because Woojin’s anniversary is tomorrow.

“Jihoon?” Daniel calls from the kitchen and he snaps back to reality.

“Yeah?” he replies, still dazed from his thoughts.

Daniel doesn’t answer him, and Jihoon thinks that what Daniel wanted to say might not have been so important after all. That is, until the couch dips down and he feels Daniel settling down beside him.

“I said dinner’s ready,” Daniel says, brushing Jihoon’s bangs away from his face. “Are you okay? You seem pretty… distant.”

“I’m fine,” Jihoon lies. “Not feeling too well, that’s all. Don’t worry too much.” He then forces himself to look at least a little energetic for Daniel and adds, “What are we having for dinner?”

Daniel seems to buy his act, because he takes Jihoon’s hand in his and leads him to the table, where an array of dishes is waiting to be eaten. And Daniel’s really outdone himself this time – they have glass noodles, kimchi soup and a few pan-fried dumplings all laid out.

“Thanks for cooking,” Jihoon flashes a smile at Daniel he knows the other man will like. Of course, Daniel’s face lights up immediately and quickly settles down into his own chair.

“Where did you even learn to cook like this?” Jihoon asks, trying a dumpling.

It’s delicious – and of course, he’d never expect any less from Daniel.

“It was always a hobby of mine, I guess?” Daniel recounts as he stuffs his face with glass noodles and Jihoon has to remind him to eat slowly in order not to choke a few times over. “When I came here and discovered groceries were free, of course I put that into good use! I looked up some recipes on the internet…”

While Daniel is excitedly relating his story to Jihoon, he can’t help but poke at his food. Suddenly, he misses the cheese puffs Woojin used to bring home for him so much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 10:30pm_

The nasty feeling only intensifies after dinner when they’re sitting on the beach late at night. Jihoon had suggested it, and Daniel agreed immediately, thinking Jihoon wanted to enjoy their time together in a more special way than binge watching dramas under the cover.

The truth is, Jihoon just doesn’t want Daniel to see his facial expression – because he’s sure he looks anything but happy to be with Daniel right now.

“You sure you’re alright?” Daniel asks, touching Jihoon’s shoulder. “You can tell me if you don’t feel well, maybe we should go inside. It’s getting a little cold, isn’t it?”

“I’m fine,” Jihoon says, his words coming out more curt than he’d intended and he regrets it immediately.

“Hey… look at me.”

Jihoon refuses, turning his head to the side. 

“Jihoon? Don’t shut me out.”

Jihoon’s heart starts racing, but for all the wrong reasons.

“You-“

“What? Tell me,” Daniel probes.

“Why do you care so much about me?” Jihoon lashes out, finally turning to look at Daniel, who looks somewhere between shocked and stunned to answer.

“Because I love you?” Daniel replies, his answers coming out so naturally, and Jihoon starts feeling afraid again.

Jihoon stands up, and Daniel quickly follows, grabbing his arm.

“Stop,” Jihoon waves him away. “I just need some time alone, I’m sorry.”

With that, he rushes into Daniel’s house and locks himself in the bedroom. He feels relieved when he doesn’t hear footsteps following him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:15pm_

_What is wrong with me?_

Jihoon can’t understand these feelings. They weren’t like this when he first came here, or even on his second time. He’s supposed to love the feeling of reliving his youth and the freedom of finally being able to fall in love, but why is he growing more and more terrified?

Jihoon knows the answer, bright and clear. 

_Daniel._

His feelings for Daniel are growing, until they can’t be stopped anymore. 

He’s not supposed to feel guilty since he and Woojin never really loved each other in the first place. But he can’t stop thinking about the years of high school and college they’ve shared being each other’s only source of comfort. Woojin has felt like home the past 66 years, and Jihoon is afraid to leave.

He’s afraid of falling in love.

He’s more afraid of the idea of someone falling in love with him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:40pm_

“Hey, can I come in?” Daniel’s voice is soft but clear.

Jihoon swallows the lump in his throat and gets off the bed. He only has 20 minutes left, and he knows they can’t leave each other like this; they have to talk it out eventually.

He opens the door – to Daniel waiting with a slightly crooked smile.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry,” Daniel shakes his head before spreading his arms wide open. “Want a hug?”

Jihoon, does in fact, want a hug. So, he lets Daniel envelope him in the warmest hug and feels the nasty feeling die down a little. This feels very right, and Jihoon likes this very much.

“Can we talk?” Daniel asks after a minute of silence.

Jihoon nods, and they take a seat on the bed.

“It’s Woojin.”

Jihoon doesn’t see the need to butter up his words. He drops the bomb, and doesn’t miss the flash of despair that crosses Daniel’s eyes. 

“His anniversary is tomorrow and I just… felt overwhelmed I guess. I just get very emotional during periods like this. I wasn’t thinking straight, and I’m sorry I had to lash out at you like that. You didn’t deserve that.”

Daniel furrows his brows.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know about that,” he says, inching his palm forward to lace their fingers together. Jihoon feels better instantly.

“Also, I’m scared of this. Of us,” Jihoon makes sure to stare pointedly at their linked hands. “It’s weird, to have all these good feelings inside me when I’m with you. It’s fucking scary to fall in love.”

Daniel finally cracks the first smile ever since Jihoon has started talking.

“So, you are in love with me.”

Jihoon could say something playful back like “shut up” but then he realises exactly what he’s admitted. 

“Of course, how can I not be?”

Daniel’s smile softens from cheeky to a natural one.

“Jihoon, it’s fine to have second thoughts. It’s okay if you don’t want to stay with me here forever. Forever is a lot to commit to, I don’t want you doing something you don’t want to.”

“B-but what about all this? You’re okay with me leading you on and just not staying here forever?”

“It’s alright,” Daniel bites on his lower lip, hesitating to say the following words. “We loved, and that’s all that really matters. Knowing that you’ll take a piece of me to a place that isn’t here? That’s enough for me.”

It breaks Jihoon’s heart, to know that Daniel has fallen as deep as he has.

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,” Jihoon says, wrapping his arms around Daniel’s chest and buries his face into Daniel’s chest. It’s his only safe place, so he lets the tears flow.

About Woojin, about Daniel. About the dilemma he’s in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 11:57pm_

“I heard Jisung talking,” Daniel says, breaking the silence. “They’ll probably have the passover sometime next week. 

Jihoon’s head springs up from the pillow.

“So soon?”

“Yep,” Daniel says cheerily, like he’s not talking about him being on the brink of death or something. “Life support isn’t doing much. Time’s coming for me.”

“Oh,” Jihoon says, settling down into the pillow again, not knowing the right words for their situation.

“I’m still going to be here,” Daniel says, pinching Jihoon’s cheek. 

_Right_ , Jihoon thinks. _But you’re going to be here forever._

He’s not about to let himself start crying again, so he just turns over where he fits nicely beside Daniel and waits for time to take them apart again.

How nice it would be, Jihoon thinks. If I had fallen in love with Daniel first.

“Daniel,” he says.

“Hm?” Daniel hums.

“Daniel,” Jihoon repeats.

“What?” Daniel replies.

“Daniel,” Jihoon says for the third time.

Daniel keeps silence, thinking Jihoon is just playing with him.

“Daniel,” Jihoon says, with a smile on his face and lies, “What? Can’t I just say your name when I feel like it?”

“Of course you can,” Daniel answers. “Just don’t get sick of it too easily.”

“Daniel,” Jihoon says again, softly this time, more for himself to hear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 12:00am_

He didn’t tell Daniel the truth then.

Jihoon was repeating Daniel’s name – to remind himself who he really wanted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 3pm_

Daniel’s passing is scheduled on Wednesday, Jisung informs Jihoon. Jihoon puts down the phone with an unfamiliar heavy feeling in his chest. Usually, he’d think there was something wrong with him and would visit a doctor immediately. Not today, though. He knows exactly why he’s feeling this way.

Picking up his phone again, Jihoon clicks on Jinyoung’s contact.

“Hi hyung!” Jinyoung answers after two dials. “Is everything alright? You never call.”

“I’m fine,” Jihoon says. “I have something I want to talk about. With you and Daehwi? Are you busy?”

“Course not,” Jinyoung snorts. “What could 65-year-olds like us be doing on a Monday afternoon?”

Jihoon chuckles, then hears Daehwi yelling at Jinyoung about not talking too long on the phone because apparently their phone bill was tremendously high the previous month due to Jinyoung talking forever on the phone to his old friends 

“It’s just Jihoon hyung!” Jinyoung yells back, annoyed. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have any friends to call!”

“Excuse me, I have plenty of friends,” Jihoon hears Daehwi retort, his voice sounding closer than before and assumes they’re standing next to each other right now. “In fact, I actually leave the house to meet my friends, like a normal, civilised person. And-“

Jinyoung cuts Daehwi off right there by talking to Jihoon again, “Anyway, hyung, we’ll be there soon. Want us to bring any food? We have too much at home.”

“It’s fine,” Jihoon sniggers, because he can still hear Daehwi threatening to kill Jinyoung in his sleep in the background. “Just bring yourselves.”

Jinyoung replies “alright” and puts the receiver down quickly, and Jihoon’s apartment becomes silent once again.

And he wishes Daniel was with him right now – to make him feel just a little less lonely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 4pm_

Jinyoung and Daehwi arrived, with hands full of bags of food that Jihoon had already specifically told them not to bring alone because how is he, a 66-year-old man going to finish all that food? 19-year-old him would finish their supplies in a weak, but now he’s lucky if he has the appetite to eat all 3 meals.

They make small talk as Daehwi unloads the food into Jihoon’s fridge, which in Daehwi’s words, is “disgustingly empty” except for a few beer cans which should tell anyone he’s not the healthiest 66-year-old out there.

“So, I wanted to talk,” Jihoon says when they (finally) settle down on the couch.

“Go ahead, Jihoon hyung,” Daehwi encourages, eyes twinkling brightly.

“I uh,” Jihoon runs his fingers through his hair in frustration as he meets the curious gazes of his two best friends. He doesn’t know how to put this into words. Maybe he should have written a script earlier. “I think I may have met someone special in San Junipero.”

Jihoon pauses, and braces himself for impact.

What are his friends going to do? Yell at him? Cry? Jihoon doesn’t know, whatever it is, it’s going to be better than keeping it a secret forever.

“We know,” Jinyoung says with a small smile.

_What?_

“You k-know?” Jihoon repeats, unable to process what Jinyoung just said.

“Daniel, isn’t it?” Daehwi recounts.

A breath catches in Jihoon’s throat.

_They know._

_About Daniel._

“You’ve been saying his name,” Daehwi explains, because Jihoon looks too confused to say anything right now. “Especially the last two times we went with you. You kept saying his name, we figured he was someone you weren’t ready to talk about yet.”

And Jihoon hangs his head low again.

“I’m sorry,” he says first. “I know I’m supposed to be with Woojin and all. And I know he’s our friend but I just. I don’t know what I’m doing, I have no fucking clue what I’m thinking when I’m with him.”

“Hyung,” Jinyoung stands up to sit next to Jihoon, and Daehwi follows, sitting on Jihoon’s other side.

“It’s okay,” Jinyoung says, in a tone that comforts Jihoon a little. “We know. You and Woojin hyung were never… in love? You guys were best friends, it hurt us to see your friendship being destroyed like that.”

“But we did all the things we were supposed to-“

“Did you really think you guys looked like you were in love?” Daehwi chuckles lightly. “We appreciated you guys trying, really.”

“Woojin hyung talked about this once,” Jinyoung adds. “He said he felt sorry about making you spend your entire life with him. And said all he really wants when he’s gone is for you to be happy.”

“But-“

“Woojin hyung wants you to let go,” Daehwi confirms. “He’s in a happier place, and you should be too.”

Jihoon starts fiddling with his fingers – this isn’t what he expected.

“He never told me this,” Jihoon says softly.

“There were many things you didn’t say to each other,” Daehwi says as he rests his palm on Jihoon’s back. “But I think for now, it’s enough. Really, if you think you’ve found happiness, I can say with all my heart that Woojin would want you to chase after it.”

Jinyoung nods in agreement.

“Okay, hyung?” Jinyoung prompts Jihoon, whose been silent for a while.

Jihoon wants to do it – chase after his happiness.

“Okay.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 2pm_

Jinyoung and Daehwi accompany him to Daniel’s passing on Wednesday. And Jihoon is grateful, because he needs all the support in the world. And he knows Woojin is right behind him.

“Hi, Jisung,” he greets the smiley doctor who looks just a little down today.

To Daniel on the bed, Jihoon doesn’t hesitate to intertwine their hands and run his fingers through Daniel’s hair.

“Hi, I’m here,” he says, aware of the stares on him from Jisung and his friends but doesn’t mind. “Jisung is going to take care of you, so don’t be afraid, okay?”

That’s when Jisung lets out a choked laugh and Jihoon smiles when he sees a tear rolling down Jisung’s cheek.

Without a word, he hugs Jisung.

“He’s going to be fine,” he assures Jisung. “I’ll make sure of that.”

“I know you will,” Jisung sniffs. “Just tell him not to eat too many gummies over there. He has too many cavities, alright?”

“Okay,” Jihoon laughs, although he wants to join Jisung and cry. But he’s not going to. Not today.

There’s a soft knock on the door, and it’s not a nurse who steps in. 

“Yoojung,” Jisung says, which only confirms Jihoon’s suspicions.

“Hi,” she manages a tight smile, and Jihoon likes her already. 

If only Daniel could see her now – dressed smartly in a nice dress and heels. She looks put together with her hair tied neatly into a bun, and even with minimal makeup on, Jihoon thinks she looks beautiful. 

It’s Yoojung who holds out her hand first.

“I’m Yoojung,” she introduces herself.

“Jihoon,” he replies.

“I know,” she confirms. “Jisung told me all about you. Can we talk?”

“Of course,” he answers, letting Yoojung lead the way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 2:25pm_

“Thank you,” Yoojung says, handing Jihoon a cup of hot coffee when she comes back from the coffee machine. “I owe you too much.”

Jihoon’s fingers tighten around his cup.

“I should be the one thanking you,” Jihoon says after a deep breath. “For being a part of the creation of San Junipero. For coming back for Daniel. He… he’s so happy you’re here, he told me.”

Yoojung’s smile is sad, but asks, “Dad doesn’t hate me?”

“Never,” Jihoon says, with conviction. “He loves you, and says you’re his everything.”

Yoojung wipes hear tears before they can fall; and Jihoon starts thinking about where he should start telling Daniel that he has the strongest daughter.

“Mom is still… not as open about this,” she explains, taking a sip of her coffee to calm herself down. “But I’m trying. I’ll never stop trying.”

“Thank you,” Jihoon manages. “For everything. Do you want to go in and say hi to him? He’ll be so happy.”

Yoojung hesitates for a moment, then nods and they go into the room again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 2:35pm_

“I’m ready,” Jisung says when he sees Jihoon and Yoojung enter the room.

“Give us 5 minutes?” he asks, and of course, Jisung relents.

“You have all the time in the world to say goodbye,” Jisung says, patting Yoojung’s shoulder.

Yoojung stands a distance away from Daniel, as if she’s afraid to approach him. 

“Yoojung’s here,” Jihoon says, holding Daniel’s hand in his. “She’s just going to say hi, okay?”

He then looks at Yoojung and nods to encourage her. She finally gathers the courage and walks forward, and Jihoon links Yoojung’s and Daniel’s hands together and steps back.

Daniel deserves this, at least.

“Hi dad,” she starts off a little shaky. “I’m sorry for taking so long to come. I just wanted to thank you for raising me and just… being there for me during my angsty teen phase. I think I never told you I love you, so, I love you. I hope you find happiness over there.”

She glances over at Jisung to let him know that she’s ready.

“Wait,” Jihoon says. “Can I say goodbye too?”

“Of course,” Jisung replies.

Yoojung steps back and lets Jihoon take her place.

Jihoon realises something when he laces their fingers together again. 

It’s not goodbye. It doesn’t have to be.

Woojin told him to chase after his happiness, so that’s exactly what he’s going to do.

“See you soon. And-“

He pauses to take a breath to make sure he doesn’t mess up the next words, because they’re so important.

“And I love you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2065: 2:50pm_

Jihoon waits outside with Yoojung, Jinyoung and Daehwi while they let Jisung do his thing. It’s an agonizing wait, but Jihoon finally feels a burden in his chest being lifted when Jisung comes out of the room and smiles.

“It’s done. He’ll rest in paradise forever.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_5 months later_

_Year 2065: 6pm_

It’s supposed to be a sombre event, but Jinyoung feels happy, strangely, for lack of better words. 

Daehwi though, is not taking this as well as he is. His husband is still trying to hold back his tears as they walk forward to a bouquet of white daffodils on the grave. Jinyoung reaches for Daehwi’s hand, squeezes tight to let him know it’s okay.

_White daffodils – to symbolize a new beginning._

“Okay?” he pats Daehwi’s back and Daehwi only nods back.

It’s not a large gathering, with only some of their closer friends, Jisung and Yoojung. 

“It is done,” the undertaker says. He bows once to the grave, to Jinyoung and his friends, and takes his leave.

Jinyoung thinks, no, he knows that Jihoon wouldn’t want him to cry. So he takes a deep breath, straightens his back and forces himself to smile. Jisung is being strong as well – and Jinyoung’s respect for the doctor only grows. It can’t be easy to be in charge of the Passover of the two people he’s gotten so close to in the span of 5 months.

Yoojung too, it biting on her lower lip as she walks forward to place a bouquet of flowers on the grave. It’s a pretty, dark pink rose bouquet, and Jinyoung can’t help but think how much Jihoon would love that.

_Dark pink roses – to symbolise gratitude and appreciation._

“He’s going to be okay,” he hears Daehwi repeating to himself over and over.

“Yes he is,” Jinyoung confirms. He wraps Daehwi in a hug and feels Daehwi’s tears staining his shirt. “This is what he wanted, be happy for him, alright?”

Daehwi nods, but continues to cry.

“I’m going to miss him so much.”

“Me too, Daehwi, me too.”

He holds Daehwi tight, allowing his partner to cry as much as he wants to. Jinyoung wants to cry as well, but as soon as he casts his gaze on the two graves side by side, he smiles. He can almost see Jihoon there, waving goodbye to him.

“Goodbye Jihoon hyung. Till the day we meet again.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Year 2018: 5pm_

It feels a little strange for Jihoon to be here when the sun is still up. Usually, the sun would be setting and the night breeze would soothe him over. Today though, the sand is still warm under his feet as the bright sunrays shine down from above him.

Also, he sees the waves so clearly. They reflect the sunlight on the surface, and Jihoon never thought waves could look as beautiful as this. But the admiring can wait, he has someone to meet.

With a smile on his face, he runs towards the house a few metres away from him and bounds up the steps. Jihoon tries opening the door, but it’s locked.

“Daniel!” he calls out, waiting for Daniel to open the door for him.

There’s no answer and Jihoon taps his foot impatiently on the ground. 

He knocks again on the door.

“Hey, it’s me. Your boyfriend – I’m going to get so mad if you don’t open the door in three seconds.”

Jihoon raises his eyebrow when there’s no answer again.

“3…”

Still nothing.

“2…”

“What the actual fuck?”

He’s greeted with a half-naked Daniel with only a white towel covering his torso, hair still dripping wet, obviously in the middle of a bath. And Jihoon doesn’t even feel sorry.

“Wow, what a nice greeting to give your boyfriend,” Jihoon crosses his arms and pushes Daniel aside, allowing himself to plop on the couch, and of course, the remote control is exactly where he finds it.

Exactly 5 centimetres to the right.

“Is our drama airing tonight?” Jihoon asks, flicking on the tv. There’s nothing interesting on in the late afternoon, so he continues to scroll lazily through the channels. 

“What the _fuck_ , Jihoon,” Daniel comes back into view with a black t-shirt.

“Oh,” Jihoon turns to admire Daniel. “Maybe you shouldn’t have put that on. I’m going to take it off later.”

Daniel ignores his advances and plops down next to him.

“How the actual fuck are you here at 5pm?” 

Jihoon only turns to blink innocently at Daniel.

“I passed over.”

“You what?”

“You heard me the first time.”

Daniel snatches the remote away from Jihoon’s hands and turns the television off.

“Jihoon, what is going on?” Daniel’s voice is dangerously serious.

“I told you,” Jihoon shrugs. “I passed over. Told Jisung to upload me here forever. Now give me back the remote, I saw something funny.”

Daniel holds the remote up, at a height Jihoon isn’t going to reach.

“You’re mean,” Jihoon crosses his arms. “What exactly do you want?”

“You didn’t tell me you were planning to,” Daniel starts off slowly, like he almost can’t believe it.

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Jihoon smiles. “Are you not happy?”

Daniel waits a few seconds to assess Jihoon’s expression. To see if Jihoon is pulling his leg or not – because there’s actually no way Jihoon would actually- 

“Holy fuck,” Daniel gasps.

Jihoon sighs. “Not quite the reaction I wanted, but I’ll live.” He then giggles. “Whoops, forgot I actually have to live forever now. You better make it worth it.”

Daniel doesn’t waste time to pick Jihoon up in his arms and throw him up and down, like he would to a new born baby.

“You’re crazy!” Jihoon shrieks, holding onto Daniel’s collar for support. “Put me down!”

Daniel pauses to smile back at Jihoon.

“Is this real? Am I dreaming?”

Jihoon stretches his neck a little – to peck Daniel on the lips.

“Real enough for you?”

When Daniel lets out the biggest gummy smile, Jihoon already knows this is all going to be worth it.

Just him, Daniel, and their souls living on in paradise forever.

**Author's Note:**

> first of all, i'd like to say thank you to YOU! for making it to the end.
> 
> next, i'd like to once again reiterate that this work was 100% inspired by Black Mirror Season 3's episode 4: San Junipero. Please watch it if you haven't. The entire series of Black Mirror is my obsession and needs to be given more love.
> 
>  
> 
> And now, a little explanation about the story.
> 
> I think you probably get the idea about Jihoon going to San Junipero for 5 hours a week, where he gets to live as a 19-year-old again. He falls in love with Kang Daniel, but the thought of living an immortal life with someone that isn't Woojin scares him.
> 
> That's why he pushes Daniel away - he's scared of being loved, and being in love. 
> 
> Jinyoung and Daehwi tell Jihoon about what Woojin really thinks, and how his final wish was for Jihoon to finally be happy.
> 
> When Daniel passes over because his human body systems are failing him, Jihoon is in a dilemma. Should he passover and stay with Daniel forever in this so-called paradise?
> 
> Jihoon gets encouragement from his friends and his own inner desire to finally live his life with somebody he loves, which is why he chooses to have Jisung upload him into San Junipero forever, just 5 months after Daniel has passed over.
> 
> Although Jihoon and Daniel are "dead" in the human world, their souls and minds live freely in paradise - San Junipero.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so, so much for reading. This was written in the little snippets of time i had between studying sessions, so i'm not sure if it's up to your standards. Still, i appreciate all your support, love, and comments always. I'll be back officially next week when my last paper is over to update my chaptered fics. Until then, please take care!
> 
> Love, bapaldeul <3


End file.
